Mission 7: Thus Spake the Flameslinger

From The Whereabouts

Suggested Music: Madvillain - Strange Ways'

Exalted:
Grass Spiders

Chapter 2

The Circle With No Name

This pretty much sums it up.

The Job

Client: The Flameslinger
Target: The Flameslinger
Type: Assassination
Target background: The man who needs no introduction. The man responsible for more terrible one-liners than any other individual in Creation's storied history, the Flameslinger is a Dawn caste Solar Exalt with no clear motivation save to leave a Creation-wide trail of people cringing at his awful puns. Having cleared the South of its most notorious villains, including deathknights, demons, and tyrannical Imperial lords, he is something of a folk hero there, although his tremendous ego and unbearable sense of humor leave most villagers gently and politely encouraging him to "get back to saving the South" when he's passing through. In such a Time of Tumult, the citizens of the South he claims to protect are growing ever more paranoid, driven into a state of perpetual fear by the growing number of threats in Creation. Some have begun to doubt the ability of this traveling hero to keep them safe. This was their mistake.

To demonstrate to the good people of Gem and the greater South that they have nothing to fear, the Flameslinger began inviting challenge after challenge to Gem, defeating each as it came. Although it boosted the peoples' morale considerably, the Flameslinger really needed a way to prove his invincibility to his followers... and how better to do that than to foil Creation's most-feared assassins?

Indeed, the Flameslinger has taken out a contract on his own head. He has paid fully in advance, loudly remarking when he did so that material possessions were meaningless to him (he owns several dusters, firearms, hats, and horses of impeccable quality, for the record). His contract stipulated that he had one month to get to back to the South and make preparations. The Grass-Spiders accepted. Although the job was originally slated to go to the Lankhmar Harvestmen (Gyoki did not want to chance this job going poorly, desperate to avoid the boasting by the Flameslinger that would follow), Mesa and Ash, who had prior encountered the Flameslinger on separate business and found him too insufferable even to fight, demanded the job go to the Circle with No Name. Liking their zeal, Gyoki agreed to give it to them.

A final background note - as the Flameslinger was finishing his negotiation on the contract with Gyoki, he remarked that he had utmost respect for the combat skills of the Order and hoped sincerely that it would be a "jab well done."

It's about time somebody shut this guy the hell up.

Critical Notes

  • The Flameslinger is known to meditate and train inside of one of Gem's volcanos.
  • He frequents O'Banon's Hammer, a tavern in Gem run by Nuadha's distant Great Great Uncle Horace.
  • Gyoki and the Flameslinger, both gentlemen of a sporting nature, agreed that no innocents are to be harmed during the hit.
  • Despite having something of a reputation for awful witticisms, the Flameslinger is generally regarded as a hero in the region. Serious aggression toward him will likely be met with hostility from the townspeople.
  • Furthermore, the Flameslinger is also a favorite of Rankar VII, the ruling Despot. He has saved Gem from major disaster at least twice, and in turn, receives support of the local military.
  • It is significant to note that Rankar VII is a ruthless ruler and has no qualms ordering the assassination of anyone he suspects is planning to usurp his power. This is somewhat well-known, especially amongst Rankar's own subjects, who are careful to keep their own aspirations hushed.
  • The Grass-Spiders possess a disproportionately large number of high-quality firewands, which are exceedingly rare. There is only one blacksmith in Gem capable of crafting them - Halan Arbani. He would likely to be receptive to anyone willing to indulge his passion for fine weaponry. He also has a huge weapons collection of his own.
  • The Grass-Spiders maintain a safehouse in Gem, located underground in the middle of a small residential block nested within the Sunken Bazaar (see the South book, pg. 76).
  • Anton has told us that the monarch, Rankar VII, is secretly looking for Exalts to help him carry out a campaign against Paragon.
  • There are a small number of powerful Realm soldiers and bureaucrats in Gem protecting House Ragara's interests in the firedust and gemstone trade - they are largely impartial, but will fight tooth-and-nail (with sword or pen) to keep the profit margin alive if anyone's actions threaten market stability.
  • Rumors abound that Horace O'Banon, the owner of the bar which the Flameslinger visits, is himself a Solar Exalt. His feelings toward the Flameslinger are unknown.

Expected Threats

  • The Flameslinger (Threat Level: Very high, Probability of Encounter: Certain)
  • The Flameslinger's One-Liners (Threat Level: Avoid at all costs, Probability of Encounter: Let's hope not)
  • Gem Military guards - these are hired mercenaries (Threat Level: Low (Soldiers), Medium (Officers), Probability of Encounter: Medium)
  • Imperial Troops (Threat Level: Medium (Soldiers), High (Officers, Exalted), Probability of Encounter: Low)
  • Volcano - significant environmental hazard, but has the benefit of being completely out of the public view (Anima banners!)
  • Horace O'Banon (Threat Level: High, Probability of Encounter: Low)

Mission Status

Job: Complete
Dates: Resplendent Water 28 - Descending Water 11, R.Y. 770
Kill: The group encountered some difficulties locating the Flameslinger, but eventually devised a plan to appeal to the man's unending need for heroism and addiction to gambling. After setting up a poker game and inserting Fae as an enterprising villain hoping to force local tribes off of their land to make room for gem mines, the group hired an acting troupe to dress themselves as the Flameslinger and inserted themselves amongst the crowd of spectators at the poker game. Sure enough, the Flameslinger showed up uninvited, demanding to best the villain at her own game and save the local villagers. At the end of the twentieth hand, the acting troupe, having been led to believe they were carrying out an improvisational performance, removed their concealing cloaks and began shooting at each other with guns they did know were loaded. As chaos erupted, the Grass Spiders, who were among the disguised actors, ambushed the Flameslinger, who proved to be their strongest opponent yet. A master Solar martial artist, he assaulted the circle with gunshots and one-liners alike, nearly killing Ash and inflicting significant damage to most of the circle. Nevertheless, by the skin of their teeth, the Grass-Spiders prevailed, with Zealot knocking the Flameslinger unconscious with a well-placed hit from his nunchaku and Opal delivering the killing blow. The hero of the South paid for his vanity, left dead in the aftermath of a chaotic brawl between over one-hundred people dressed exactly like him.
Quote of the night: "That's not believable." - Ash
"Why not?!" - Opal
"Look at me... ...I'm not from a shitty town." - Ash
Exp. Awarded: Base - 5 (6 for Zealot and Opal)

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